Date: Sunday, May 31, 2020
Time: 12 PM PT / 3 pm ET
Location: Online: Zoom
My friend and colleague, Aliza Sherman, runs a wellness company for women, Ellementa. She’s invited me to be a guest at one of their ‘Ask the Expert’ online meetings. I mentioned that the topic of RELATIONSHIPS interests me a lot these days. Surely they’ve been tested the past few months as we shelter in place! I’ve experienced some real challenges in my 20-year relationship and have learned many tips you can start using immediately. We’re not going to dig into anyone’s problematic past: we’ll start right here in the present and move forward.
I am not your typical expert: no degree in psychology or social work. But I have collected over 30 years’ experience of therapy and have explored this topic in-depth as part of my consciousness studies. My life is my laboratory. Relationships are where we often discover unknown parts of our selves. I intend to share many of the practical insights I’ve learned with an emphasis on these things:
- How to turn disagreements into these fun ‘howto’ games;
- How to grow up and bring your adult self to the relationship;
- How to encourage your partner to do the same without control or threats;
- How to use the biology and psychology of feminine and masculine traits to your mutual advantage (traits which may or may not track 100% with your gender);
- How to figure out what’s essential vs. what’s desired.
Blame: Very Common, Not Helpful
Blame shows up for many of us the moment something goes unexpected or haywire. The best way I’ve found to avoid the blame game is to bring my adult self to the table, not my kid self. If you haven’t read my eBook, The Three Yous, do it now. It’s free and you can download it here.
Many have heard about their inner child, but I take a non-standard approach — no unnecessary coddling for past wounds but instead understanding what motivates the kid inside each of us: Safety, Security, Survival. For a functional and loving relationship, bring your adult self to it. If you don’t know when your kid speaks, feels, or acts for you, well, you’re bound to suffer in the relationship game.
Many think if only we are smart enough, we can avoid arguments and relationship stress. I’ve found the opposite is true! A well-read person with a high IQ, being managed by their inner kid, invites disaster. Emotional maturity creates far more love, respect, and cooperation than intelligence.
Build Your Superpowers by Taking Responsibility
I can hear the kids in each of us groaning on this one. No fun! Not fair! But! But! But! Trust me on this, though. Together, we’ll deconstruct the mechanics of how taking responsibility is the opposite of the blame game. While healthy and happy relationships take work — sorry, I don’t know any way around this fact — making the work fun, light-hearted, and digestible in small doses makes all the difference.
OK, Who Is This Session For?
Since we have an hour — a short timeframe — I’m planning to focus on intimate adult partnerships. Married or not, no problem. Straight or gay, this stuff applies. New or old relationships, all are welcome. Young or old, you can learn new tricks.
Thanks so much for reading; there is hope no matter how much you and your partner argue or compete. I hope you’ll find these tools simple, if not always easy.