Yes, I’ll admit I am a recovering busy body. I love people, I am fascinated by how each of us ticks, and I acquired some extrovert tendencies as a child that feign to give me energy by interacting with others. That is the positive spin.
The opposite spin (and they are both real for me, for now) is that I also learned early on to track who’s doing what, when, and how, so I could use that information to try to head off possible problems. “Possible problems” is a detached way of describing the stuff that my mini mind (aka Kid me) experiences as D_A_N_G_E_R!
That last bit meant that this job of connecting with (and yeah, also monitoring) others, was full time, 24/7. So imagine how much energy that takes. Then imagine how much other stuff wasn’t getting done. Yes, I’ve also heard over and over again, “just mind your own business.” Useful as that is, it’s vague and for someone like me, very easy to wiggle around. My kid self can easily come up with excuses for “why I have to be tracking abc and xyz.”
Then I learned this:
Three Simple Questions to Get Back on Track.
- Is this my job?
- Is this my responsibility?
- Is this my business?
If I’m truly honest with myself, there are actually very few things that get a “yes” answer to one or more of those questions. Even in my business, with my “everything” partner, I’ve learned that if it’s on his plate, I get to ignore it. My mini mind can get all worried about the ensuing disasters if “partner drops his plate.” But I get to remember that it’s his plate. And if it drops, it will be his mess. And of course, vice versa! Why would I want to meddle in his affairs, disrupt his workflow (which may not be obvious to me), or deprive him of learning just how and when his plate drops?
I can do that because I also keep in mind you and he and I are all spirit beings having a human experience. We are ultimately safe, regardless of whatever dramas du jour show up. Trust me, this is so much more than a platitude. And, I know how hard it can be to walk this talk.
When in doubt, or finding myself going down a rat hole of monitoring or complaining, I just keep filtering things through those three questions. Try it for a week and I think you’ll be amazed at how simple life gets, how much energy becomes available, and how much time you discover you have. I think it’s obvious, that with those things — simplicity, energy, and time — you too will be able to focus on what is your job, your responsibility, and your business, and be able to ignore everything else.
Plus, this unintended benefit.
If you are willing to do this somewhat ruthlessly, I think you’ll find that people respect you more. They leave you alone — appropriately — while coming to you when it’s relevant. This practice can be a cure for codependency because you stop making your life about everyone else and start making your life about you. It’s like magic: I stop minding other people’s business and I feel better about myself, have more energy, and way less stress!
To make it easy for you, I’ve created two graphics that you can print out and post someplace convenient. I’ve had a hand-written sticky not on my computer for several months now. I’m a big fan of having the visual reminder!
Here is a more light-hearted version of the same message. It’s too easy to drag our friends into the drama of tracking others… right?
Please take your choice or take both! Click on an image thumbnail to open full size, Then right-click to save to your computer.
So in short, just take care of the things that are clearly your job, your responsibility, or your business. Ignore everything else. If you’re not sure, ask the person(s) who can help you straighten it out. Voilá! Life gets easier, you become more productive, and happiness starts bubbling up inside you. And the things that actually are your job, or responsibility, or your business? You can approach them with a clear mind and bring your top skills to the task.
Idea Source: The Guys