One Tip for Calming Your Inner Critic

In the eye of the beholder by John Naccarato on Flickr

We all have one – that voice that specializes in self-criticism. What if that critic were operating under largely false assumptions and you could educate him/her and neutralize the negativity?

People often don’t see the connection between claiming their individual subjective preferences and being willing to confront their inner critics. But what I’ve seen is that when you truly come to understand your likes and dislikes, your wants and don’t wants, you can also start seeing how your inner critic is just trying to get you to fit into a world that does not actually exist! Your inner critic thinks there are absolute right and wrong ways of being.

Your inner critic is confused and mistaken.

Your inner critic also thinks that “right” is a very narrow place in space and time in the midst of a sea of so many wrongs. That inner critic may even be so stressed that he or she is lobbying for opposite actions in the same moment, making it nearly impossible for you to decide on a course of action. I call these “You can’t” but “You must!” moments. It’s a really shrill chorus that sings in my head sometimes. It’s also an early warning indicator for me to slow down and get grounded back in my Adult energy.

Just. Be. You.

When you begin to know your subjective qualities – the very things that make YOU uniquely YOU — then you can educate your inner critic so he or she will stop bothering you about all the things you are not interested in. As your inner critic gets educated, you gain more solid appreciation of who you are and who you’re not. That version of consciousness is the only one it takes to live a powerful life, luxuriating as your true self. Yes, it is easier said than done, but start now and have some fun! It doesn’t have to be all serious and hard. Just do one thing today that is so uniquely you. That’s enough to point you in the YOU direction.

Photo Credit: In the Eye of the Beholder by John Naccarato on Flickr

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P.S. I invite you to download my eBook, The Three You’s, to learn how to deal more effectively with your inner critic, aka Kid You.

About Roxanne

I use a specialized form of coaching to help people be more of who they are and less of who they're not. I lived in Hawaii for 17 years and now reside in Santa Fe, NM. I work with clients around the world. I invite you to join my "Get Blissed" email list for updates.


  1. Andrea Robinson says

    Great post Rox! This needs to be taught at the high school level. If I could of had exposure to this as a teen I would have caused myself a lot less anxiety. As a mother of a 16 yr female we expect them to understand this very concept without any exposure to it! How could they possibly get it??

    • Andrea – I so agree. It seems like the most important skills these days are self-awareness which can lead to self-management. Just about everything else can be googled! I love hearing from you. xorox