How to Be Awesomer: Stop Believing Everything You Think

photo of life preserver in the dunes by daspunkt on flickr

My partner forwarded this TedTalk video to me today, Why Aren’t We Awesomer featuring Michael Neill. (Scroll down; I embedded it for you.) Partner and I have really had a challenge lately; so many of the bad habits that have developed over our nearly 15 years together have assembled themselves into a miserable sludge blocking out a lot of light and even more love.

I don’t like admitting this in public, but I am counting this as one more step in the direction of independence from worrying about what others think and from having to keep up appearances. I am grateful for the sludge; he and I are both so capable of powering through things that it took a mountain of sludge to slow me the f*ck down; he can speak for himself.

No matter how insightful and competent I may be at helping my clients — as most coaches and therapists already know — walking my talk at home is often the hardest.

Why? Because the pretend realities are so firmly entrenched over decades and generations of group and individual acceptance. There is such a large scrapbook filled with “These things are true” and “It’s who we are” and “Because of you or that, I am like this.” Hurt is such a powerful thing – it causes people to seek out explanations, then cling to them as a last ditch life preserver. Then the life preserver becomes an appendage, inseparable, when it was only intended to be there for those rare emergencies.

The amazingly awesome truth, though, is that reality is actually a projection, not something fixed on a TV screen. And from the “Good News, Bad News Department,” my thoughts and your thoughts are the projectors. This is another way of saying, I create my own reality.

So sit back, watch this video and see if you can relate to this reality. It enabled a massive shift in my energy and moved me off the pity pot. This technique is simple, not easy. I can tell you, it works. I especially liked the way he spoke about suicidal ideation. #icanrelate

After watching: Play a game with reality. Change your thoughts and see if your feelings and actions change. Then see if other things change around you. Bet you they do! You are creating your own reality, so you might as well create the one you want! #NoteToSelf

Photo Credit: Untitled by daspunkt on Flickr

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graphic for in the transition with rox logo

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About Roxanne

I use a specialized form of coaching to help people be more of who they are and less of who they're not. I lived in Hawaii for 17 years and now reside in Santa Fe, NM. I work with clients around the world. I invite you to join my "Get Blissed" email list for updates.


  1. I am happy with the reality I’ve created. Each stumble along life’s path makes me stronger. Past pain has taught me to let go of anything I don’t want to influence me. Visiting from NaBlo …

    • Francene – good advice and thank you for visiting. I found your comment in spam! So my apology for the delay in responding to you.

  2. Wow, loved his last sentence. I literally had issues when he started talking about spiders so that was a great way to prove his point. Thanks for sharing this video. I’ve been working on my thoughts lately about how worried I am about how others perceive me. It’s all in my head. Do I really know what they are thinking…no. But, really, I’m starting to realize that I shouldn’t even be caring. 😉

    • Erin – you nailed it! And it is one of those things (thinking about others thinking about us) that is so deeply ingrained. It typically doesn’t disappear after one of two reminders. For me, it is an ongoing opportunity for consciousness.

  3. Fantastic post! Ted talks rocks! Our minds are so powerful. It has reminded me to not take my thoughts too seriously. Wow, I have a new way at looking at my over active thoughts and for sure will try and keep those thoughts in perspective. Thanks again Rox, you are a rock star.

    • Thank YOU Andrea! 20 years ago I first saw a bumper sticker in Santa Fe that said, “Don’t believe everything you think.” At first, I was like, HUH? If I am thinking it, it must be true or what I want to be true. But Nooooo. Often not true and not desired. Especially if it is Kid Me doing the thinking!

  4. Great post! Love the thought that we’re only one thought away from changing our reality. Think I’ll hang on to that thought. Ha ha. Blessings, Andrea

  5. slhayter says

    Oh my goodness, that drawing of the dog sniffing the bum of a drawing of a dog – in a word, classic!!! We need constant reminders of this, how our reality is truly created, not fixed, not certain, created. Thanks for posting!