From my hand-written journal:
It still feels so unlike me to put my pen and penmanship to these beautiful pages! A voice inside says, “you mean to soil these pages?” and such is the depth of old self-loathing that is moving up and out. (I wrote about this previously, The Preciousness of Paper.)
I can share this now easily as I have no “emotional charge” on it. I can call out my own self-critical thoughts without fear of someone using them against me. I understand this is the framework of becoming conscious of my true nature.
I no longer accept the notion that humans have accepted for millions of years: pretending we are slime, creating rules and religions, economies and evolution, with the single goal of returning to the sublime known as “God.”
Resistance to the silly thoughts or silly actions is futile for me! Why should I expect to undo these millions of years of DNA programming in a span of 20 or 30 years? Would it even be that much fun to just snap my finger and wake up one day utterly and totally conscious of my true universal nature? With whom would I even speak or sit, who would be able to understand me and vice versa? This is the “journey” part of that platitude that says it is not about the destination, it is about the journey.
I have chosen to explore “every” moment in this lifetime for hints of consciousness. I do this in part so I can detox from the legacy of unworthiness that is embedded in the DNA of humanity … and share my travel tips with you. Some moments I am in awe of the profound magnitude of what it means to be conscious of my own divinity, to claim my own place at the table of the divine for the family dinner, seated beside all those with whom there has been mutual trespassing. (Welcome back to you, and you, and you!)
I can hear the loud rolls of laughter as we reflect back on these lifetimes as humans, detached and yet still entertained by our foibles and abuses as if we were remembering a children’s soccer game!
Once you become conscious of this fundamental truth that this life is all a game, you will no longer have need for thoughts like “My parents did the best they could…” or “I am sure he didn’t really mean to hurt me.” Instead, we will start exiting the fog of blame and recall that these experiences were expected, many were co-created or at least their possibility mutually acknowledged long before we incarnated. We came from a place where none of this matters, to explore being in a place where we pretend that everything matters. But alas, that has become so predictable. And now many of us are curious:
What if I came here and lived as if none of this matters? What if I remembered that we are all the divine, the saint as well as the drunk, the ceo as well as the homeless, the environmental activist as well as the polluter?
For me, that changes everything. The power structure shifts into radical equanimity. That in turn triggers sleeping brain cells to awaken and present a cascade of new opportunities for how to Be Here Now. It does not mean to exit the practicalities of relationships, business, love, trade, or laws. But it does mean to experience them (and play with them!) in a radically different manner.
Stand in awe of this game of life. Play it as if none of it matters. I’ll meet you at the table one of these days and we’ll laugh out loud together about the many ways we know how to be unhappy while living as humans.
“You’re never satisfied. That’s what life is, it’s just this ongoing, neverending vacation adventure, you see. You can’t get it wrong and you never get it done—and we recommend that you have as much fun as you can along the way.”
Photo Credit: Stemonitis Slime Mold by randomtruth on Flickr
P.S. I would love to hear your experience of reading this post. #ForYOU: Did it make sense? Was it more blasphemous or more liberating? Have you toyed with these ideas, not just in meditation but in daily practice? If so, how? I would love to har any and all responses.